Ten Epic "That Guy" Fails

8/6/2012

4 Comments

 
Hey, it's THAT GUY! You know, the guy from the thing with "That Chick." We all know "That Guy."  Usually hired because the A-list actor was beyond the budget or unavailable, "That Guy" usually gets the job done. But there are times when "That Guy" represents something far more insidious. Whether you own a franchise you want to continue milking, persist in disappointing fans with loathsome re-makes/reboots/re-imaginings, or continue lowering your audience's expectations for the quality of your product: "That Guy" is your go-to guy. 

Here are some truly epic "That Guy" fails: 

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Benedict Cumberbatch 's scrawny, tech-obsessed Sherlock               VS.
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Peter Stormare as any random bad/crazy guy with a European accent                                                  VS.
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 Jeremy Brett's dynamic, elegantly manic Sherlock Holmes. The eyes have it!
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  The animal ferocity, talent and genuine insanity of Klaus Kinski
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Handsome and refined, sorry Ken Watanabe, simply being Japanese just doesn't cut it                             VS.                         
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The raw intensity, startling pathos, and dignity of Toshiro Mifune that Lucas originally craved for Obi-Wan
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Speaking of which, Hayden Christensen, all the sand in the galaxy will not defend you           VS.                                       
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Darth Vader: one of most iconic images of Evil ever conceived of by man. He can kill you with his mind, and, even worse, he may just be your father!
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An Italian name is no justification for Martin Scorcese's insistence that Leonardo DiCaprio can act          VS.
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               The guy you don't want to be talking to, Robert Di Nero. He's only gonna ask you once, ok, tree times...
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Smarmy and blonde does not a      Sci-Fi icon make, Chris Pine      VS.
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The Shatner! The Kirk! Those eyes! That smile! William Shatner shines like a golden god as the inimitable Capt. James T. Kirk! 
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Max "Headroom" Frewer has his moments, but he'll never be weirder than the king of weird                                                                   VS.
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John Malkovich, he may not be Kubrick's son, but anyone who's spent time being this guy comes away far stranger for it
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Any man who ever walked or will walk upon the face of the earth     VS.
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Sean Connery as Bond, James Bond, 007, licensed to kill by virtue of sheer sex-appeal.
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                                       Bland and average on any scale of measurement, would someone please explain to me why Sam Worthington is everywhere and in every film?                                       VS. 
Oatmeal: satisfying, substantive, and versatile. It makes great cookies, breads and cereals, while managing to portray engaging and exciting characters from Greek mythology to giant blue aliens better than Sam Worthington!
4 Comments
Deb
8/6/2012 06:24:57 am

Too funny. The only movie that I liked DiCaprio in was What's Eating Gilbert Grape", and Sean, oh my God, Connery is James Bond forever. Thanks for saying what we are all thinking.

Reply
J.Lakis
8/6/2012 06:35:33 am

Gilbert Grape is still my favorite Leo performance, too. Maybe it wasn't such a stretch for him. :)

Reply
Susie
8/13/2012 08:02:10 am

Loved these comparisons!! You hit the nail on the head. (HA!) But, while Klaus Kinski is fascinating, to be sure, I have to confess that I really like Peter Stormare, too.

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J.Lakis
8/13/2012 10:30:52 pm

Thanks! Probably easier to work with Mr. Stormare than Kinski if we are to believe Werner Herzog, and I generally do: he said they each planned the others' murder more than once. Hey, have you seen "Encounters at the End of the World?" Herzog meditates in his incomparably calm, German manner on the people who choose to live in Antarctica: from philosophers who defected from the Soviet Union to a linguists on a continent with no native language, and deranged penguins!

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